Just a piece of nothing

Bear with me peeps as I'm trying to keep myself sane in here.


Being alone is pathethic you know. This blog is all I have right now. I've shared almost everything in here for the past 8 years. And I'm going to continue doing it for as long as I can. So, read what u want. Or not read. Whatever.


I miss my boys so much. Last nite I only got to see them for a couple of hours. Its sad to see them wearing t-shirts & short pants when they're supposed to wear their pyjamas at that hours. What's worst, Ariff was wearing Amarr's shirts which is too small for him.


What is going to happened if I'm not around? Will there be somebody who's going to love them the same? I doubted it. I've been in this situation. I lost my mom when I was 17. Life is not the same for me ever since. Being the eldest sister with 9 siblings. My life was doomed. It took me a kick in the head to get me where I am right now. I don't want my kids to go through that phase. It's terrible. Horrible. No one can ever imagine.


All I wanted is to be a good muslimah. To be a good wife for my only Mamoru, to spend all my kudrat to work and raised my kids until they are able to take care of themselves; to share all the ups & downs with the people I love and care the most (dad, siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews, close relatives) last but not least, I want to enjoy the rest of my life in a proper way, the way that I want it to be with the man I love.


Sigh.


There's a hefty lists.


Heck, what am I doing in here. I wanna go home. Wheres the doctor? God, It's 7.00pm already. I need my CT Scan result!