I never care about stupid people or their stupidity. Unfortunately I have to since they make me look life a fool.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Again did my solo run kat gunung Nuang via Pangsun this morning.
Naik 2 jam 57 minit. Turun 2 jam 20 minit. Tak dapat break timing last week :(
Tapi takpa.. yang penting tak injured dan kaki tak sakit. Coz esok nak hike Nuang via Janda Baik pulak. Cuma esok tak kejar masa. Just nak cek route. Saja nak sedapkan hati. So that masa race nanti tak la mental.
This weekend last lari kat Nuang. Next week dah takda masa. Ada Pacetters 30km kat Padang Merbuk. Hope membantu la sikit utk performance Nuang Marathon ni..
Haih. Risau. First time lari trail 42km. Lari cross gunung pulak tu. Nih bukan marathon dah.. ni dah tahap climbathon. Panjat gunung Nuang 2 kali dalam sehari! Cut off time 14 jam.
Harap sangat aku boleh complete the race in 11 hours max. Coz kalau lebih dari tu, aku terpaksa berlari sampai malam. Wish that didn't happen.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Not too long ago, I was deep in my closet, cleaning out the clutter, when I found an old tin box FULL of letters. Sitting on the floor, I began reading one after another. They were love letters, written to my husband, David.
My heart began to sink and my eyes filled with tears as I read sentences like:
"Hello gorgeous, how's my darling, sexy, charming, romantic, thoughtful, loving man doing?"
"I miss you so much I feel like I'm going to go crazy!"
"I feel like something wonderful is getting ready to happen in your life!"
All I could think was, Who is this girl?
Reading her letters, I was overcome by feelings of jealously. She was sexy, fun, romantic and totally in love with my man! Some letters had hand-drawn images and others were sealed with a kiss, literally -- with pink lipstick that looked as if it were just kissed yesterday.
I felt as if I were reading the letters of my husband's mistress, yet the truth was, it wasn't his mistress; these letters were from me, written as a twenty-something-year-old girl. I felt so many emotions, but most of all shame because that girl was long gone and in her place was a stressed out, anxious 40-year-old mother of two.
I no longer made Dave feel wanted, let alone desirable; but more like a roommate or friend. Reading the letters, I saw the loss of my girl, the one he fell in love with and married. Traci Shafer was encouraging, always laughing, dancing, singing and saw beauty in everything around her. Traci Bild, well... let's just say she had a lot on her plate.
In a strange way, I felt sorry for Dave. With my growing business, two kids and a home to manage, I simply didn't have the time or energy for him anymore. Closing the box, I tucked the letters back where I found them. I thought to myself, You've changed.For days I thought about those letters. The passion and emotion in them was intoxicating and I was tired of being tired. I wanted what my twenty-something year old girl had. More importantly, I wanted what she and my husband had together, so I set out to find her.
The first thing I did was make an effort to have more fun. When cleaning, I played blasting music, I traded the treadmill for kick boxing and the park bench for the swing next to my kids.
Next, I started bringing fun into my marriage. From disco dancing in the kitchen, going on pub crawls to taking road trips together, our relationship returned to its roots with fun front and center. Slowly, the woman Dave married returned. The truth was she was there all along -- she was just buried in responsibility.
Being a woman today isn't easy; there's always going to be more to do than hours in the day. What I learned from this experience is the importance of prioritizing the things that matter most and having Dave at the bottom of that list wasn't going to work. I pushed him to the top and our family is better off for it. Here are a few more things I did that had lasting effects on our relationship. I encourage you to give them a try:
Offer compliments! Make an effort to compliment your partner every day. I know, it's hard to even consider this being that no one ever says "Thanks for unloading the dishwasher," or "You look amazing today!" The goal is to focus on your own behaviors and see where they take you. Compliments such as "Thanks for trimming the trees today, they look great," or "You look gorgeous!" will change the tone of your relationship.
Spend time alone. Even though you live together, odds are you rarely have time alone. Consider making date night a weekly norm. If you can't do that, then create a 20-minute window to talk, have a glass of wine or slow dance in the kitchen. If the very thought of this scares you, it's long past due. Intimacy, while hard to maintain is the key to a great relationship.
Make it fun! Make a vow: No dinner and a movie dates! When dating, odds are you and your husband did things that were fun. Try new and interesting things like playing racquetball or going bowling, take a cooking class together or hitting a theme park and riding roller coasters! Does this take work? Yes, but it's worth the effort.
Create new habits. While it's easy to try these ideas once or twice, the truth is you have to put in real effort and be consistent if you want to see results. Our society is all about immediate gratification, but in this case, you have to work for it. The question to ask is, "Is my relationship worth it?" Compliment your man daily, give him a solid 20 minutes of you time every day, plan weekly date nights and have some good old-fashioned fun.
It's so easy to be apathetic and lament, "Why is this up to me, he doesn't do any of these things!" Could it be that your partner is so disconnected he doesn't event think it's possible to reconnect again? Does the thought "That this is as good as it gets" scare you a bit? What if he were to meet "YOU 20 years ago" tomorrow?
In marriage, the odds are against us. We must be willing to roll up our sleeves and put in some work. This also means letting go of all ego or concerns over who's pulling the weight. I was no longer the girl my husband married, but I realized it before it was too late because he was too kind to tell me. It terrifies me to think how different my life and that of my children might have been if I had ignored the warning signs and not put my marriage on the list.
|Pic taken by Amarr. Gegar pulak :)|
Buka mata pagi ni, masih kat KL lagi.
I wish I kat Cameron.
I wanna go there
I wanna go there
I wanna go there
Let me go there.
I wanna go.
p/s: Do u remember last time, when love is strawberry? It tastes sweet and sour. But u added honey. And everythings better.
Yeah, miss that.
Hujan tengah2 malam ni best kalau dapat makan strawberry dengan honey.
I wish I were at Cameron right now. I really want to go there. In fact I'm more than willing to drive there tonight semata sebab strawberry.
Advise untuk diri sendiri:
Anw, bila rasa marah, always fikir yang baik2. Kenyangkan perut yang kosong. Baru fikiran jadi rational.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Kiddos enjoying their breakfast makan roti and donut sambil tengok tv and ipad.
Then I stand in front of them making a little announcement.
Me : "Guys, mommy have something to tell you"
Then Ariff quickly turn off the tv and asked Amarr to pause the video on the ipad.
Normal reaction to show me that they're interested to listen to whatever I'm going to say. Don't u love them! They're awesome.
Ariff : "What mommy?"
Me : "Mommy is going to take you to somewhere special"
My trademark words. I emphasized each word. Love to use them to make kiddos more excited.
Ariff : "Where?!"
Amarr : "Supermarket?"
Nak tergelak dengar Amarr cakap camtu. Fine, sebab mommy asyik bawak korang pegi supermarket je kan.. beli ikan.. tskk.
Me : "No sayang, we are not going to the supermarket. We are going to a place where we can see a lot of animals!"
Ariff : "We are going to the Zoo?! Yayyy!!"
Amarr : "There's a lot of dinosaur kan mommy?"
Me : "There's no dinosaur in the Zoo, baby. But there's elephant, giraffe, zebra...."
Then all of sudden Amarr crying like mad! Macam somebody rampas something dari dia.
Aku pandang Ariff and Ariff pandang aku. I was like, what?? Did I say something wrong?
Took me 15 mins to calm him down.
Lepas Amarr ok. Aku Google kat mana nak cari dinosaur. Maybe Ariff dengar aku kalut sorang2 then dia bagi suggestion;
Ariff : "We can watch dinosaur in the movie. Mommy buy the ticket"
Thats a brilliant idea from a 5 years old kids.
But, cerita apa yang ada dinosaur kat cinema sekarang ni???
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
I thought of this over a million times
Who would have ever thought that it will be our time?
I just know it,
'cause you are the one
It ain't a selfish love, when I'm with you
You remind me of Allah and so I know it's true
I'll just say it
You are the one
Won't you be my BFF and ever?
Won't you be my partner after this world?
We'll see it, when we believe it together
Dreams are meant to be
'Cause you are the one for me
I never thought that I would feel this way
I ask Allah to bless you every single day
I'll just say it
'Cause you are the one
And when the times are tough
And we've got the world to see
Standing right beside you is where i want to be
I just know it
You are the one
And when there's gray in our hair
And we've not much to do
I want to spend the rest of my days with you...
Oh don't you know it?
You are the one, You are the one
Oh won't you be the one?
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Cerita pagi tadi.
First time naik Nuang secara solo.
First time juga training marathon kat sini. Tak penah aku panjat Nuang secara berlari ok. Selalu tu hiking biasa ja. Bagai nak pitam rasanya.
Paling tak sangka boleh jumpa ramai muka familiar kat sini.
Jumpa geng ultra, Ezam & Nasir.
Jumpa geng gunung, Apek Pinky, Idan, Mat Wei, Fadli, Zul, Tumang.
Jumpa sorang mamat macam mat salleh. Dia cakap, dia salah seorang dari reader blog aku. Pehh.. malu siot.
Timing dari Pangsun ke puncak Nuang 2 jam 40 minit.
Thanks to Kak Ude & husband for accompanying me at starting point :)
In case I forgot to jot down kat sini, I'm running for Nuang Marathon 42km on 9 Nov! Climbathon actually. Naik gunung Nuang dari Pangsun ke Janda Baik & patah balik ke Pangsun.
Another keje gila untuk tahun nih!
Friday, October 17, 2014
I feel u.
I miss u.
And I love u, gorgeous!
Can't wait for u to get fit and get back!
We are going to rock our world together. Like before!
I've been all alone since u left early this year. I didn't climb for almost 9 months already. I wanna do it with you. Climb with u.
Cepat2 get the new little guy landed safely on earth
Then we can partayyyy
Like we use to!
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Bila tiba2 sorang budak perempuan comot seusia Amarr berlari peluk kaki aku kat puduraya.
Tertoleh juga cari parents dia. Kot la tak perasan anak dia datang kat aku. Tapi macam semua orang kat situ buat tak peduli. Macam si kecil ni invisible.
Aku lepaskan pegangan tangan dia dari kaki aku. Dia pegang pula jari aku. Try lepaskan lagi, dua2 tangan aku pula dia pegang. Kuat. Tanak lepas.
Serba salah dibuatnya. Takkan aku nak tarik kuat2. Kang jatuh pulak dia. Aku siap cakap baik2 kat dia, "Let go, sayang.. please" (terbiasa cakap dengan kiddos camnih. Tataw lah dia faham atau tak).
Dalam kalut dan pelik, tiba2 si kecil ni minta duit dua ringgit.
I was like.. what?!
Rasa nak je aku terajang tukang ajar dan tukang paksa budak sekecik tu mengemis. Meh aku patahkan tulang empat kerat kau, baru kau tau macam mana rasa bila dah betul2 tak mampu nak bekerja cari duit.
Pegi mati la orang macam ni.
Perlahan aku lepaskan tangan aku dari budak kecil tu. Bagi dia duit. Haih. Ntah dia tau ke tak apa makna duit.
Kalau la aku boleh bawak dia balik rumah. Jaga & besarkan dengan sempurna.
Tapi things are not that easy. You can never underestimate the bad side of KL. I've seen some part of it. Wouldn't be surprised if it's a lot worst than that.
Semoga Tuhan melindungi dia.
Malas nak cerita tentang marathon back to back ni sebenarnya.
Epic yang sangat fail pada aku.. haha. Next time jangan nak gedik buat 2 full marathon b2b camnih.. unless kau adalah kategori ultra. Even geng ultra pun setengah nyawa nak habiskan SCKLM.
Start dengan BSN or Putrajaya Night Marathon 42km. Good news, aku dapat buat PB. Tapi still tak puas hati dengan timing 05:06. Sedih. Tapi takde sedih sangat lah coz I got 16th placing. Siap dapat cash prizes beb! Unexpected.
SCKLM sila jangan tanya. A truly disaster. Seriously, badan aku shut down totally after 13km lari. Almost pengsan ok. Paling obvious, heart rate menggila. Rasa macam nak explode. Rasa macam kalau aku teruskan, confirm finish kat hospital.. haha. Tiga jam aku tersadai atas AKLEH. Nasib baik ada ramai marathoner yang sama2 terkandas dengan aku. Penangan b2b.
Busy keje. Busy training. Busy layan episod cerita Jewel in the Palace dari mula sampai habis. Busy spend masa dengan orang2 yang aku sayang. Busy dengan plan itu ini. Super busy la kekdahnya.
Sekarang ni pulak, tengah bizi belajar camne nak drill skru untuk gantung hammock kat ruang tamu. Nak make sure skru tu kuat & selamat.
Found a few video tentang La Siesta. Masuk dalam list DIY project. Sure layan kalau baring dalam hammock kat dalam rumah. Heaven!
So, bila nak start. Tangan dah gatal nak men-drill nih!
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
Boss tanya sama ada aku nak jadi trainer untuk Mortgage product.
Aku senyum je lah. Again, tak boleh nak decide.
Too many opportunities kat sini. Aku selalu buat tak kisah. Selalu lepaskan. Rasa macam susah nak lepaskan comfort zone sekarang dan explore benda baru.
Can't imagine myself jadi trainer. Berdiri dalam kelas depan student mature yang mostly sebaya or lebih tua dari aku. Omgg.. goyang beb!
Part yang best, I loveee the Academy! Environment kat situ macam kat dalam campus. Ada banyak sport facilities especially trek balapan. Boleh lari hari2.. haha.
Another part best, boleh beli landed property kat Bangi. Kalau kat Permaisuri, choice yang ada just rumah atas langit.
Part yang tak best, kalau kena Ulang alik dari Menara ke Academy kat Bangi. Tak suka travel. Tak suka nak habiskan masa atas jalan.
Kalau full time kat Academy takpa. Lagipun Bangi takde lah jem macam KL.
Another part yang tak best, offer Boss buat one of the manager kat sini macam tak puas hati kat aku. Lepas meeting tadi dia datang tanya kenapa boss offer position tu kat aku. Honestly, I have no idea why. Aku just boleh jawab, rezeki hari Jumaat, maybe.
Rupanya she wanted that position. Dah lama dia request for it tapi tak dapat.
Anyway, we will see.
Esok adalah kegilaan sebenar yang aku akan buat dalam tahun ni.
Lari back to back untuk dua full marathon dari malam membawa ke siang. Total distance 84 km. Total hours I'll be running on road (plus minus) 11 ke 12 jam!
Start dengan Putrajaya Night Run 42km pukul 8.00pm malam esok, expected finish time at 1.30am, pastu sambung lari SCKLM 42km pukul 4.30am pagi Ahad, expected habis pukul 10.30am.
In between dedua race ni, aku just ada masa kurang dari 3 jam untuk rehat, refresh, makan & travel dari Putrajaya ke KL.
Body & mental condition good
Training.. err.. kelautt
Lutut macam ada prob sikit (right side) definitely tak boleh buat PB.
Target just nak enjoy the run & finish without injury.
Thursday, October 09, 2014
Terbaca post my aunty kat one of Austism group in FB. My aunt doesn't know I'm in that group too.
Boleh imagine apa yang my aunty go through. I knew exactly what she feel.
I've been in the same situation. Worst, I can say. Cuma mine was like 25 years back. When I was 10.
Then terbayang muka Iman yang sangat pendiam & suka tersenyum. He's a good kid. I wanted to help him. I really want to. How?
Another toenail falling off. Great.
Aritu jari tengah kaki kiri. Now jari tengah kaki kanan. Wohoo.. Kuku kaki yang lain pulak ada few yang dah start kehitaman.
Kesan akibat terlalu aktif outdoor.
Nasib baik dah kawin beb. Kalau tak, lari boyfriend tengok awek kaki buruk camni.
Kuku kaki amik masa 6 bulan untuk tumbuh semula tau. Nak pulih sepenuhnya macam biasa amik masa almost setahun gak la. Tapi kalau dah hari2 keje kan kaki ni.. memang nan hado la masa nak baik... tsk.
Kalau pasnih aku pilih untuk aktif climbing semula, confirm tapak tangan jadi tebal, kasar & buruk.. wakakaka.. but I like!
Talking about tangan, tahu tak jari yang paling kuat sekali adalah jadi kelingking? Jari kedua kuat, jari tengah, pastu baru lah diikuti dengan ibu jari, jari telunjuk dan lastttt sekali jari manis (thats what I learn in climbing class).
So change your perception. Jari telunjuk bukan jari terkuat okeh :)
Wednesday, October 08, 2014
I loveee beautiful handwriting.
Really admire people with tulisan cantik2 ni.
Mine memang disaster. Sendiri tulis pun kadang2 tak boleh baca. Well nak buat camne kan.. intelligent people memang tulisan agak disaster (hahaha.. pegila mamp*s)
My dad punya tulisan adalah yang tercantik yang pernah aku tengok (ok, I'm bias. He's my dad, sukatik la kan).
Anyway, I wonder how he can write notes laju2 dengan tulisan secantik tu. Aku belek buku sekolah dia masa dia kat Sekolah Alam Shah dulu.. siyes, wow! Boleh jatuh cinta kat orang tulisan cantik nih!
Bukan setakat tulisan rumi, jawi dia pun unik! Ada style. Suka sangat setiapkali tengok dia tulis rumi & jawi.
Eh.. rumi & jawi? Macam familiar.. Macam romeo & juliet (mati lah takde kaitan.. kasi panggg sedas kat budak aD nih)
Masa kecik2 dulu, my dad selalu hantar nota cinta kat arwah ibu. Cantik tulisan dia. Dia tulis atas kertas timah pembalut kotak rokok. I dah exist masa my dad mengurat arwah ibu tau.. haha. Btw, I bukan anak angkat okeh. I was 10 at that time. My parents divorced masa tu. Berpisah tanpa rela.
Tapi taim tu tak faham sangat bahasa cinta. Tapi suka tengok tulisan ja. Even sampai sekarang, ayah still maintain tulisan yang sama. Cantik.
Ok that's it.
Let's berambus balik. Kepala ting tong.
Tuesday, October 07, 2014
Lucky minggu ni start dengan hari Selasa. Cepat sikit weekend.
Still tak dapat berat ideal sebelum lari back to back 84k minggu ni. Susah gila kot nak tambah berat. Sehari makan sampai dua tiga kilo tapi berat naik tak sampai setengah kilo.. how?
Balik keje petang tadi jumpa pisang abu bantut kat kedai. Kiddos suka pisang goreng. So, menu sampingan malam ni, pisang goreng!
Monday, October 06, 2014
Having this sinfully delicious Magnum Almond ice-cream at wee hours sambil fikir bila lah hero kecik ni nak tido.. haih..
Ariff : Look, I can open the car engine
Me : Careful, not to break it
Ariff : Its just a toy, mommy.
Fine. Ada je jawapan dia.
But still.. that toy is not cheap, anakk.. tsk tsk
Its a long day today.
Awal pagi plan lsd 20k. Tapi stop at 16k. Lari tanpa minum air. Gila haus.
Been thinking about a lot of thing masa lari. Mostly about future. Things I planned. Things I'm doing to achieve that plan. And unexpected thing happened in between.
Been wondering what's gonna happen if I change my plan a bit. Include the current. Or what happen if I just jump over it and proceed to original plan.
Sunday, October 05, 2014
Mamoru: Couldn't wait till the saloon open huh?
Me: No. They won't cut it they way I wanted.
Me: They will suggest something else. I'll end up with frustration. Better I cut it myself..
Half an hour later..
Mamoru: Your hair look nice
Many years ago, our father Ibrahim (AS) made a choice. He loved his son. But He loved God more. The commandment came to sacrifice his son. But it wasn’t his son that was slaughtered. It was his attachment.
It was his attachment to anything that could compete with his love for God. And the beauty of such a sacrifice is this:
"Once you let go of your attachment, what you love is given back to you–now in a purer, better form."
So let us ask ourselves in these beautiful days of sacrifice, which attachments do we need to slaughter?
Movie marathon all morning with Amarr. He keep on asking everything the actors said in the movie.
"Mommy, what is WEAK"?
"What is COWARD"?
p/s: First time watching movie with kiddos. All this while only Nick Jr channel ja allowed kat rumah ni. Pray the actor tak cakap mender mengarut.. tskk.
Daddy: Have you finish clean up your toys?
Ariff: Nearly done.
My Ariff, always make me impress with choices of words he's using.
Ariff nak susu tak? Mommy tanya ni, Ariff nak minum susu tak?
Ariff: "I'm thinking. Hmm.. I think so"
Jawapan tu kalau kasi straight boleh dakk. Sabar ja.
"Mommy, Ariff minum banyak air today. Now Ariff drunk"
Omgggg... my son! Mana belajau ni nakkk oii...
When your 4 years old son request bukan2 sebelum tidur:
Amarr : Mommy, I want some lemonade.
Me : ??????
Selalu minta susu ja.. *Stress mak kau nakk. Mana nak cari lemon tetengah malam buta ni*
Last nite Ariff said, "I want to be a baby again".
I asked him why. He replied, "I'm too big. Mommy cannot carry Ariff. I dont want to walk. I'm tired walking".
Aww, sayang.. u will always be my baby. I will try to carry you for as long as I can. Mommy promise.
Serious tak suka pergi kenduri! Esp bila kiddos tak cooperative. Sikit lagi mommy nak bertukar warna hijau bila tengok Ariff duduk atas telur! "I want to keep the baby chick warm" katanya.
Wearing my MWM 42km finisher skirt just now, and this is what I get:
Amarr: Mommy wear skirt? Mommy nampak macam perempuan la
Me: WHAT?! (Selama ni I bukan perempuan ke? Tsk )
Then Ariff save my day.
Ariff: No lah Amarr. Mommy look like a princess.
Ariff: Mommy how to put this on (referring to his kopiah)
Me: Come here, err.. tunduk in english apa eh (talking to myself)
Ariff: You want me to duck my head?
Me: Hahaha.. yes.
His engish is better then me. Haha.
Pakcik jual ice cream berhentikan motor tepi pantai.
Me : Ariff, do you want some ice cream (sambil tunjuk ice cream dengan cone)
Ariff : I want a popsicle.
Aku : ???? (Cakap dengan diri sendiri) Menatang apa popsicle ni? (Ambil phone google)
Popsicle = Ice cream or water ice on a small wooden stick; "in England a popsicle is called an ice lolly"
Baca bedtime story untuk Ariff memang kena banyak sabar. Bukan sebab dia tak suka dengar. Tapi sebab dia terlalu suka sampai paksa aku baca lebih dari 3 jenis buku untuk dia setiap malam. Demand ok. Kengkadang tu siap betulkan apa yang aku baca:
Aku: The cat love to sing and dance.
Ariff: That is not a cat. It was supposed to be a tiger.
Haih. Bukan ke bedtime sepatutnya buat kids tertido ke? My kids terbalik. Makin eager nak dengar cerita. Camne?
Ariff: Amarr, leys play pretend. Ariff jadi Diego, Amarr jadi baby Jaguar okay?
Ariff: Baby Jaguar
Ariff: No, Amarr should say "rarrr rarrrr". Let's try again. Baby Jaguar?
Amarr: Rawwrr rawrrrrrrr!!
Ariff: Good boy. Okay, let's go save the elephants.
Amarr: Otey. Rawwwrrr rawwwrrr.
Suruh Ariff baca doa sebelum makan. Surprise bila hujung doa tu dia baca translation doa dalam english:
Allahumma barik lana fima razaqtana, waqina adhab-an naar.
O Allah! Bless (the food) you provided us and save us from the punishment of the fire.
Ariff: Mommy hurry! I'm tired. I want to go home.
Aku: Ok, let's walk faster.
Amarr: Mommy look, funny faces (sambil buat mimik muka kelakar)
Ariff: Amarr, stop it! It's not funny. Hurry up! I want to go home.